Ambiguity and the Journey

i was sitting in church the other day and i listened to some women talk about what it means to keep the sabbath day holy. they had it all figured out. they knew all the rules and left no doubt about what should be done. i sat there thinking, "you made all those rules up yourself!"
how often we create definite bounderies between black and white, mandatory codes of conduct to live by, and unwaivering lines to carefully walk. we can't stand the uncertainty that surrounds us daily. we are uncomfortable with too many choices. we desperately plead for someone else to tell us what to do.
why are we so afraid of the ambiguity? do we doubt that we can direct our lives? what do we fear? why do we relinquish control of our destiny and the opportunity to choose where we go, who we are, and or where we will stand? instead we allow our anxiety to drive our lives...ever looking for something stable and certain and unchanging. is anything really like that? maybe we convince ourselves that there are things like that...and then we cling to them like a life raft in a storm, unable to enjoy our experiences or the people around us...unable to think of anything or anyone else...a captive to our own fear.

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear,
And I can 't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there."

sometimes i wonder how much my own fear drives me and the plethora of decisons i make each day. am i really willing to gaze fully, unflinchingly into the future and embrace tomorrow as it comes? Can i learn to be comfortable with not knowing what a new day holds for me, without becoming cynical and pessimistic?...i don't know.
some things were meant to be abiguous, if you ask me...they force you to identify what you value and recognize what you want.
in a spiritual sense, this ambiguity can stimulate growth and progress. too often we arbitrarily invent clear-cut guidelines. too often we ask God to tell us exactly what to do and then we do it. even simply following directions can be difficult at times, but it takes no character...no grit. some divine directions are left unclear...a bit hazy...on purpose. we are to take a stand. we can seek guidance and listen to our hearts, but the choice is ours. we are given a principle and we decide how it applies. we test it out. nothing is in stone...experimentation, adaptation, and adjustment - the desirable skills of life. we can certainly elect to avoid paralysis in favor of moving in some direction...any direction...embracing the possibility of modifying our coordinates.
Fortunately, this ambiguity also disallows the casting of judgement upon others. if we, individually, are the ones who can interpret and decide, then only we can really know what the best decision or course of action may be at a particular time, place, and in a particular set of circumstances...unique to only us. oh, many will have opinions...often making them painfully clear...but they have no way of really knowing what an individual can know about his or her own life.
ambiguity is what makes our life journey unique. so many pages of the journey are still unwritten...we can write them, but the tone and content depends our decisions in the face of uncertainty. following a crowd...clutching another's coat-tails...walking someone else's journey...it is tempting. it is certain, dependable, and someone else's responsibility. i don't want to miss my own journey because i am scared or doubtful. my journey indubitably holds great adventures, dangerous pitfalls, exquisite vistas, great mistakes, and a marvelous story...and only i can walk it.